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by Jason P.

January 15, 2018

If you’re reading this, chances are you have a kinky love affair with your car. But hey, so do I my naughty friend, so no judgement there.

Now before we go on, I’ll make a promise to you: No matter your background, your religious views, or your opinions when it comes to car detailing…

This is still going to be the most entertaining piece you’ve ever read on car detailing. Ever.

Skeptic? Let’s fix it. Buckle up!

My girlfriend and I used to be in a very stable relationship. You know, walking the dogs on the weekends, watching reruns from Two and a Half Men every now and then, visiting her parents when it was inevitable...

Ok, I admit it, I was inBored to Death’ hell. But it was a hell that I was used to. Fortunately (no sarcasm here) her ex decided to save me from a life of boredom and Two & a Half Men by sneaking into our home and ‘sleeping’ with her when I was away at work.

Needless to say, when the guilt trip was heavy enough (or the sex was just better with him than with me, I suppose) she decided to tell me and we broke up. She was kind of decent: she took less than half the stuff we had together, and left me one of the 2 dogs we had. The one who pooped inside the house, of course.

Anyway…

As me and ‘poopy dog’ wandered around the house with no reason on Earth to watch another one of Charlie and Alan’s adventures, I decided to ignite the passion I used to have for my car before I started living together with my ex. I admit it, I grew lazy and careless, and didn’t pay attention to the way my car looked.

As I Regained My Passion For My Car, I Got Back My Sex Drive

My sex life had never been fireworks with my ex. It was just… fine. Honestly, watching TV was more exciting than hopping into bed and getting the job done.

This thought popped into my head as I was washing my car 2 weeks after the breakup. I realized I had grown as careless and indifferent with my car as I i was towards my ex.

I decided something needed to change. Besides work and dealing with ‘poopy’ dog, I had a lot of time in my hands and only one hobby that truly interested me. So I decided to take out my old microfiber towel, and detail the car by myself. Piece of cake, right?

Not at all.

At first, it was a pretty unrewarding task: It was taking too long, I had already made a mess in my garage, water spots and swirl marks decided they liked the paint of my car too much to go…

But as I persisted, things got better. I started experimenting with different detailing products, different approaches, and my technique certainly improved. As I started to enjoy the detailing process again, my confidence grew too.

That’s when it hit me.

The amount of care and polish I was putting into my car was starting to manifest in other areas of my life, especially my libido. I realized I had traded my passion and my joy for a mediocre relationship, with mediocre sex.

It was only natural that this lack of joy would show itself in different areas of my life, especially my car. And as soon as I started to care for my car, guess who came back?

Spoiler Alert: It wasn’t my cheating ex asking for forgiveness!!!

Jeez, I really miss Two & a Half Men...

In fact, it was my libido! (Hello again, old naughty friend.)

Did I anticipate I’d get back my sexual desire back by detailing my car? Never in a million years. Was I happy? Yes. Did I want to tell my ex my car made me feel the way she never did? A little bit. But I digress…

This realization was so strange & profound for me that I decided to dig deeper into myself, and what I found shocked me. And after shocking my friends with my weird insights when it comes to sex and car detailing, I think it’s time to share it with you too, my fellow reader.

So without further ado, I present to you the 3 surprising things I found sex has in common with car detailing.

This one is actually pretty obvious, but still gloriously overlooked.

Actually I don’t blame you for turning a blind eye on this one.

It wasn’t until I was driving ‘poopy’ to the vet that I learned how unattractive and pointless a shiny car is if the interior smells like a dog just pooped all over (which is exactly what happened, actually).

So, naughty gentlemen, naughty ladies…

When it comes to your car or your intimate parts, you can only trick your potential sexual partner for so long. You can hide your imperfections behind a beard, makeup or a slick haircut, but you simply can’t hide your smell.

In fact, it’ll follow you wherever you go, like Jason Voorhees…

Whether it’s your car or your body, a nice and gentle aroma will make much more of a lasting impact on someone than the bling or shine it has.

2. Trust

No, this isn’t just a buzzword my friend. It’s actually one of the most important aspects of sex, let alone car detailing.

Finding a trusted partner who looks out for your benefit, and that makes you feel safe around is crucial if you want to be a healthy, sexually satisfied adult…

Or if you want to rest assured your car detailer is not scamming you with his/her service, pricing, and the quality of products used in your car.

Even though my libido was stronger than it had ever been at that point, I didn’t really appreciate being screwed over multiple times by different detailers. (I like to be kissed first.)

When I finally found a detailer that was upfront, honest and actually invested in premium quality products in order to get a lifelong customer, I immediately thought: “Found the one. He’s a keeper!”

 

Gentlemen, ladies, make sure you’re with the right partner. Your car is a lifelong journey and you deserve to be treated with financial & personal respect!

3. Protection is Paramount!

I can’t stress this enough:

Finding the perfect sealant/protection product is almost as important as using a condom.

Why?

Because if you’re like me and you still like to do your own detailing from time to time, you need to make sure you’re getting your full money’s worth.

Using a cheap detailing product on your precious car is like having unprotected sex in my book.

Now, I’m not a sex specialist by any means, so you’ll need to check with a professional which protection method is the best for you and your partner. I am, however, a car enthusiast that loves to see my car as shiny as polished glass. I also like to get my FULL money’s worth when it comes to detailing products.

I’ll save you the need to buy and waste your money on a bunch of products that don’t really work. Like everybody else, I used to rely on normal wax and sealants that no matter how much work and time I put in, I was never able to achieve the desired ‘glass’ effect professional car detailers did.

The secret behind that amazing shine?

“Si02 Technology” (Yeah, science man!)

Si02 technology is a form of waterless coating that protects, seals and cleans your car. It’s designed to give you a result that’s very close to a professional detailing process without having to spend a whole lot of money.

Si02 is like having my trusted detailer in a bottle. However, I’m sure you’re curious to know what is the best Si02 product that gives you your FULL money’s worth. Since you’ve been so patient reading about ‘poopy’ the dog and my loveless relationship, it’s only fair I give you the best option available in the market:

FORTIFY QUICK COAT is a winner when it comes to helping you become your own detailer.

It seals, protects, cleans, it’s waterless (no more messy garage), it’s very simple and easy to apply and…

Here’s the best part:

>>>Insert Overly Dramatic Drum Roll<<<

One application lasts longer than most car-waxing products in the market (6-12 months).

Once I got it into my naughty hands, I knew I had found the solution to keeping my car shining everywhere I went. The part I loved the most is that I no longer needed to make a mess in my garage using huge amounts of water, because of its waterless nature.

Also, Shine Armor has completely earned my trust by standing 100% behind its FORTIFY QUICK COAT, offering a FULL 30 days money back guarantee. Remember how important trust and protection are to any relationship?

So, give yourself the gift of trying it out. If your heart is broken (like mine was), and you’re considering watching Two & a Half Men (like sadly I did), this is your chance to get premium quality for a great price.

If you don’t get your ex back, at least you’ll get your car’s shine!

 

In addition to making your car look so shiny you’d like to lick it, FORTIFY QUICK COAT also acts as a unique paint sealant and maintenance spray that’ll last you for longer than you’re used to.

The best part?

It’s waterless. This means you’ll no longer have to worry about making a huge mess in your garage or damaging the environment.

Whether you’re a professional detailer or simply looking to make your car the best reflection of who you are, FORTIFY QUICK COAT is the perfect solution for anybody looking into getting more than their money’s worth.

Testimonials and comments found within our website are unverified results that have been sent to us by appreciative customers, which are representative of typical or average consumers, and are not intended to guarantee that everyone will achieve the exact same results.

Our website content is provided as a service; all content is solely for informational purpose only and is intended to facilitate communication between you and your car mechanic. We do not represent in any manner whatsoever that the content of our website contains the opinions of a professional mechanic.

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